Rand Paul is willing to do whatever it takes to protect your civil rights, whether you’re an American citizen who is suspected of plotting against the government or an American blastocyst who can’t speak for yourself because you’re trapped in the womb. The only civil rights Paul doesn’t seem so concerned about are the rights of American citizens who happen to be women:

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) on Friday introduced so-called “fetal personhood” legislation that would completely outlaw abortion in the United States.

The Life at Conception Act would declare that human life began at conception, providing fertilized eggs with the same legal status as born persons.

“The Life at Conception Act legislatively declares what most Americans believe and what science has long known – that human life begins at the moment of conception, and therefore is entitled to legal protection from that point forward,” Paul said in a statement. “The right to life is guaranteed to all Americans in the Declaration of Independence and ensuring this is upheld is the Constitutional duty of all Members of Congress.”

Finally, someone has the courage of his convictions to ignore the fact that he’s bizarrely assigning civil rights to a ball of seventy cells while trampling on the rights of actual human persons.

If I don’t see posters and bumper stickers proclaiming “Blastocyst Rights!” before the 2016 campaign really heats up, I’ll be really sad about such a huge missed opportunity.