What’s Wrong With Our Society, 2.12

There were two main themes on the penultimate episode of MTV’s “Jersey Shore.” They might connect nicely with Marxism — and, then again, they might not.

The first is that almost all of the cast members have shorter emotional fuses than is humanely possible. The first example is the most obvious: Sammi flies into a full-blown rage because Ronnie says that she looks Asian and he likes it; apparently, Ronnie’s ex-girlfriend is Asian.

But that’s not all: Snooki’s friend Ryder has been visiting for a few days; when she leaves, Snooki acts like Ryder is dead; she cries because she misses home and she seems to consider leaving Miami. J-WOWW and Vinny remind her that she will see her friend again in a week, but this doesn’t seem to console her in the least. The same was true of Angelina before she left: the difficulty associated with being away from home and from her “true friends” was expressed in episode after episode.

But what I can’t understand — and what no one seems to be able to express — is why this vacation is so difficult for these people. And it is a vacation: they go clubbing every night, they drink excessively, they go to the beach, they go to the gym … and, I suppose, they spend a few hours selling gelato. Is it the gelato shop that’s doing it?

In all honesty, I hope so. Because, if it is the gelato shop, then we can make the Marxist argument about the alienation of work. Perhaps the “Jersey Shore” cast finds their life so difficult because they’re alientated from the product of their labor and, indeed, from themselves (as a consequence of laboring for someone else).

But that wouldn’t explain the episode’s second theme, namely that “The SItuation” believes that he is a law unto himself.

He parks the Escalade up on the curb; he parks in spots reserved for U.S. Postal Service vehicles; he parks in front of signage that explains that he will be towed. He is shocked when his car is towed:

“The Situation” [on the phone with the towing company]: “My car has been … uh … uh …”

Vinny: “Towed.”

“The Situation”: “Towed.”

Even worse, he clearly believes that Canadians are from Canadia. And the Canadian women he and Pauly D meet at the club don’t contradict him.

Perhaps “The Situation” is a Marxist: he parks where he needs to park after concluding that the laws have been put in place by the bourgeoisie to stifle proletarians such as himself. What’s more, he lampoons the entire concept of nationhood and nationalism with his jibe about Canadia. In a perfectly Marxist world, “The Situation” understands, everyone — the gorilla juiceheads, the guidettes, and even the grenades — will consider themselves to be from Jersey.

With that in mind, we’ll need to change the old revolutionary slogan, “To each according to his needs, from each according to his abilities!” to a newer and more applicable slogan, “Gym, Tanning, Laundry!”