Teaching, Facebook, and the Problem of Friendship

When I first signed up for a Facebook account, I didn’t really know what I would do with it; when former students of mine began to request my friendship, I was even more unsure of what to do. Now, for the first time since I began using Facebook in 2007, I have been forced to ask myself whether the policy I instituted at that time is a good one.

After thinking about the myriad issues raised by Facebook friendship with my students, I ultimately decided that Facebook provided students with another avenue to get in touch with me, one that might seem less costly to them than coming to my Office Hours or even sending an email message. If I could encourage a student to connect with me in this way, then I ought to do so.

This meant, of course, that I had to be thoughtful about my online persona, since it would now essentially be a public one (insofar as people who weren’t actually my friends would be able to access it). It also meant that I’d have to adopt a Facebook friendship policy that was simple to institute and to explain: I would accept every request that I received from anyone who had some sort of recognizable connection to me.

This has been my policy and, over the past four years, I think things have gone quite well. I still get invited to plant vegetables in a student’s Farmville garden every so often, but the majority of students simply want to know a little bit more about me and to be able to get in touch with me when they have a question about the reading or about their essays. In some classes, students have used Facebook groups to plan for in-class simulations and, inviting me to join the group, I’m able to actually see which students are contributing to the group project and which students are not. And, of course, I’m able to use Facebook as an example when I lecture on a pretty wide variety of topics; when everyone in the room has the same cultural reference point, it’s quick and easy to illustrate a complex philosophical issue.

Of course, not all of my students want to be my Facebook friend and that’s perfectly fine with me; they all have the opportunity, though, and that’s really the important thing. Since the students can opt in and out at any time, and since I accept every request I get, I think the policy works to ensure that everyone is treated equally.

A few nights ago, however, a former student posted an advertisement for an event on my Wall so that he could make use of my large network for his own political ends. I deleted it immediately, as I do with a fair number of things that people post on my Wall. As I mentioned above, I have put some thought into my public persona and so it’s important to me to be the one who decides what others will see. The student was disappointed that I deleted his/her post and (s)he took to Twitter to complain, mentioning me in a tweet that was subsequently retweeted. We had a short back-and-forth about it and (s)he soon enough admitted that I had a “fair point” about the fact that (s)he should have simply asked me beforehand. (S)he then asked me to spread the word and I went to Facebook and posted the information about his/her event on my Wall, tagging him/her in the post as the source of the information. Two minutes later, (s)he tagged me in a post on his/her Wall that again expressed his/her disappointment in me because I didn’t seem to be living up to his/her expectations: “Just thought a man who espoused views of justice, righteousness, virtue, and progress, such as Ari Kohen, would have had a different response….” After I explained to him/her why I deleted the post on my Wall, why deleting it was not a hindrance to his/her ability to hold or attend the advertised event, and why I believed (s)he owed me an apology for publicly suggesting that I was a hypocrit, (s)he went on to send me a Facebook message to chastise me again and to encourage me to rethink whether I am living out my values as an educator.

As I explained thereafter, it isn’t incumbent upon me to participate in an educational exchange with him/her in public on my Facebook Wall; if a student wants to begin such a dialogue, (s)he is welcome to invite me to have it on his/her Wall. His/her assumption that I somehow ought to have done one thing or another led to hurt feelings and, finally, to his/her decision to unfriend and/or block me today (which is, of course, entirely his/her prerogative, one that I presume students make all the time … though I would guess they usually insult me after they unfriend me rather than beforehand).

Now, I explain all of this nonsense because it raises an important question, namely whether I was ultimately incorrect in my assessment that students should have access to me via Facebook. Given that all of this social networking technology is so popular and that so many people are using it to interact with one another, I presumed that it would make good sense to make use of it as a pedagogical tool. But there is certainly the possibility that I erred in thinking that students would understand my explanation of the difference between Facebook friendship that allows them some access to me and actual friendship with me, which applies only to some subset of my Facebook friends. If no one other than my actual friends had access to my Facebook account, then I wouldn’t have any concerns about what someone posted there. As it is now, I have to spend time thinking about what I ought to post there and whether I ought to allow something posted by someone else to remain there. 

Since the costs of using Facebook as I had were relatively low — some of my time and the fact that my Facebook persona was designed to be public rather than private — the benefits far outweighed them. Now, though, I have to wonder whether I should reevaluate. So I wonder what RC readers think, especially those who are educators and those who are students: Should professors accept the Facebook friend requests of their students?